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Piss Teen
Piss Teen

Too lazy to shave our armpits? Shirt with sleeves it is. No Shave November? Me too. And regularly, I might add. The limit does not exist.

We bleed on our underwear. A lot. We will then leave said underwear in sink whilst going about our day.

Then we forget underwear is in sink and subsequently horrify a visitor that goes to wash their hands. Our hygiene is questionable at times.

We can go four days without washing hair and validate it by using dry shampoo. No time to shower? Wash off armpits and apply a thick layer of perfume all over body.

No time to wash face? Too LAZY to wash face? No problem! It was super salty, and tasted exactly like it had been produced in the bathroom of a Mexican Walmart.

Only once did I gag and start to cry, but on the upside, it did cure my sore throat. I realized gradually that the main problem with my pee-tasting sessions was not only what I had eaten beforehand, like massive quantities of salt and coleslaw, but also that I was too sober.

Alcohol, I learned, makes pee much more tolerable, both on the psychological and physical level. Coffee, on the other hand, does not. One time I threw back a cup of pee that had the flavor of a bitter espresso shot.

Throughout my family vacation I kept sneaking off to the bathroom to read Urine Therapy , and eventually pee became my answer to every problem.

My father felt sick to his stomach, so I explained how drinking urine relieves nausea. My mother said she felt fat, so I told her about a remedy for obesity, which involves wrapping your body in urine and plastic wrap for two hours a day.

My mother confronted me about it. I assured her that it was natural, healthy, sustainable, and non-toxic. She stopped speaking to me. As an added bonus, inhaling urine can help alleviate symptoms of asthma and other respiratory problems.

Clearly, the most important lesson from all this is that pee is magical and can do pretty much anything. So not only could regular people benefit from gargling urine in order to achieve a Hollywood smile, but Hollywood could also benefit from a gigantic tsunami of urine that would sweep away every celebrity problem in a yellow flood: Michael J.

This will counteract the emotional stress you are about to endure. Perhaps a coffee mug with your grade school graduation portrait printed on it?

I chose a measuring cup. As opposed to midstream urine, which should always be consumed. Everyone did that, right?

Congratulations, that is a nice cup of urine. The longer you wait, the more ammonia develops in your urine, and ammonia is what makes your pee smell, and therefore taste, bad.

Try to keep it in your mouth for as long as possible. Swallow a little if you want. And maybe a newfound urine-drinking fetish.

You didn't think you were going to get away from this post without watching a video diary of Kara's little teeth whitening ex periment, did you?

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